Conflicted
by LostAngel16
Summary: Amy Dumas has a problem. Go with what she knows, or with what she loves?
1. By The Way

Title: Conflicted (Pt. 1: By The Way)  
  
Author: Lost Angel  
  
Wrestlers Involved: Shane Helms (The Hurricane, duh...), Matt Hardy (Version One!) and Amy Dumas (Lita, and if you want a comment, see what I said about Helms)  
  
Content/Author's Note: It's rated PG-13, borderlining on R. I've gotten a bit sappy in my first few stories, so this one's a bit more dirty, sneaky, and underhanded. There's some sex, some swearing, and some backstabbing. Not very nice, eh?  
  
This is also my first attempt at a multiple part story. Bear with me.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I got nothing. The names are property of Vinnie- roo. Just enjoy my work of FICTION.  
  
Then there's that song. That song is property of an awesome band you should all know called Sinch.  
  
Distribution: I don't mind if anyone wants to read it, and forward it to their buddies, all I mind is if you do it AND DON'T ASK ME!!! You can e- mail me, her, or find me on my AIM name (XxStylesClashxX, inspired by my favorite wrestler A.J. Styles), and I'll be sure to hear out your reasons for wanting to post it on your site, or use it as toilet paper.  
  
Song: "Plasma" by Sinch.  
  
Okay...now you can read.  
  
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The rain that didn't cease for a second during the day carried into the night. Soft candlelight and the softer sound of music floated throughout the entire bottom floor of the house. It was perfectly planned, with rose petals and the scented candles all around. She looked into his eyes and emotions she thought were long buried by the past few years of listening to painful words from Matt were rekindling. He was on the road tonight, of course, since it was Tuesday. However, she was not. She was at someone else's home, staring into the eyes of another man. That other man was Matt's best friend.  
  
"Are you sure you want me here, Amy?" Shane said, still looking a bit apprehensive. Even if this wasn't the first time she found solace in him, he still found it hard to believe. Here was a wonderful woman, full of strength and life. After every mistake in his own life, after every imperfection everyone else saw, there was someone out there who didn't care about all of those trivial things. He looked at Amy, and she smiled at him. This visit was something that brought joy to a life that didn't see much of it these days. Although there was lots to be happy about, it's difficult to be happy when you're crying inside. She always put on a brave front, but when she was around Shane, she could be genuine, and it would be okay to cry in front of him, but never Matt. "Never let them see you cry." he said. "It shows them you're too weak to be around them." would usually finish that thought. That wasn't what Shane said. "It's okay to be yourself. Emotions are what make us all human." was what she wanted to hear from someone she loved, and when she realized that it wouldn't be heard from Matt, pieces of her died. Although she was almost numb by the time Shane tunneled into her heart, he made her feel alive again. Tonight was meant to consumate that. She finally responded to him by nodding and sitting with him on the couch, leaning her head on his shoulder.  
  
"I think I'm falling for you, Shane." she said, as he reached to hold her with the pitter patter of raindrops on the roof softening her words. This wasn't the first time he held her, and as she leaned up to recieve a kiss, it wouldn't have been the first time they'd kiss either. Then again, when they made love tonight, it wouldn't have been the first time they had done that either. The first time was, in Shane's words "just because". The second time was to burn off an alcohol buzz. The third time was to check for chemistry. This time, it wasn't a fuck, it wasn't just sex, it was to be considered as making love. He kissed her again and again, each one becoming more lustful than the last, with it finally simmering to something loving. He spent his childhood reading about superheroes, and a lifetime reading about them, but in his eyes, he was Amy Dumas' superhero. She couldn't really turn to anyone else. With Jeff in exile and Shannon always around Matt, she found that Shane was the only one she could talk to about matters involving their friends, and the one she used to love.  
  
I don't want to feel this way And I don't want to pretend That these feelings don't exist And I am aware Yet so afraid That I'll make mistakes I'll always regret  
  
And by the way Would it be okay If we went our seperate ways Just to see?  
  
She kissed Shane and moved closer, offering her body to him. Tonight, nothing was off limits and nothing was too sacred to hold back. He reached out for her, but she was tearing inside. Despite the negativity she got from Matt, and all the hard feelings she experienced in that relationship, something kept dragging her back. It was ripping her up. Inside his mind, it was no better. Matt was his brother in arms. They were too close for him not to feel a sense of guilt by touching Amy like this, by kissing Amy like this. His whole love life had been justified by these things being rationalized as nothing more than just sex. Everything had an excuse, except for this. He didn't want excuses for this, simply because for the first time in his life, he felt something real. He'd listen to a girl to get a kiss goodnight. He'd comfort them for a one night stand. He'd pretend to care to have a body in his bed, but it was never like that with Amy. He wanted to cradle her from all the wrong things in her world and everything else around them. She tugged off his button down shirt and unzippered her own to leave them bare chest to bare chest, all the while neither of them knew what thoughts were swirling in the other's mind. They were the same, however. Love, fear, guilt...all in that order. The phone rang. He started to turn his body but she stopped him, and the rolled off the couch, onto the floor. The phone rang again...and again. He never heard it. All he could here was his own heart telling him not to stop and Amy's whisper of "Make love to me, Shane." This was his reality, his wonderful reality. Sadly, it crashed down at the sound of the beep.  
  
"Hey Shane, it's Matt. Have you seen Amy? I've called her house, her cell phone, and her mom's. I can't seem to find her anywhere, and I really want to talk to her. I've got something to tell her, and it's going to tear me up inside if I don't." the answering machine played. The kissing stopped, and both of them laid on the floor, next to one another. Neither of them noticed that every couple of moments, the distance increased.  
  
I don't wanna hide the truth But I can see you My jaded eyes, my faded broken gaze It's strange that way. And I'm afraid That I'll make mistakes I'll always regret  
  
And by the way Would it be okay If we went our seperate ways 'Cause I can't breathe  
  
And sometimes I feel That these chains Can be broken...  
  
Amy silently wept. Although her heart was breaking, she had become so jaded, she was willing to do that to someone else, and above anything else, she was going to ruin a friendship that seemed to have already lasted several lifetimes. Shane sat up and closed his eyes, his cheeks puffing as he sighed. He grabbed his shirt and blew out a couple of candles as he put it back on and started to head to his room upstairs.  
  
"Where are you going?" she said, obviously in emotional pain.  
  
"Upstairs." he shot back coldly. "I need to think."  
  
"Shane, please..." she sobbed. "I don't want him! I want you!" was all she could muster to scream before got up and cried into his chest. He didn't want to, but his natural reflex was to do the thing he's wanted to do since the first time he met her, and that was hold her. He had his chances, and if he walked away, he'd never have another chance.  
  
"Just please don't tell me you love me." he said. With all the trust issues he's ever dealt with, and all the things that pained him and molded him to the person his friends know, he wouldn't let another person say those three words to him ever again. She knew things had changed. She broke away from him, and picked up her shirt.  
  
"It's not far..." she said. "I'll walk."  
  
And I can see your eyes You're lying through your teeth And I'm aware This isn't fair...  
  
And by the way Would it be okay If we went our seperate ways To see?  
  
In time The shades are drawn back again The light reflects upon what might have been And I will be here... 'Cause I don't mind waiting  
  
Twenty minutes later, a drenched Amy Dumas walked into her house, a mess. Thanks to the rain, some mascara had run down her face. Nobody would have ever guessed her tears caused some of that. She checked her machine and finally she got to his voice.  
  
"Amy, it's Matt. Call me, please. We--" was all she wanted to hear before she skipped to the last one. The timer told her that it's been since she left Shane's house, and the caller ID said it was his number.  
  
"Amy..." was all it was. She sighed and before she could cry again, her dog ran up to her, ready to pounce for a greeting. She quickly picked it up and held it tightly. She walked upstairs, and looked at her mirror. There was her first ever picture of herself and Matt. She couldn't bear to look at it. She took it off the mirror and in its place, she changed to a goofy picture of herself and Shane they took in a mall photo booth for the fun of it. She started to shiver as she checked the clock. Maybe all she needed to pick herself back up for the day was a hot bath. She made her way out of the damp clothes and before she stepped in the bath, she turned the ringer off on the phone. She ran the water, and closed her eyes, finally finding some serenity in the craziness around her. She never heard the phone ring.  
  
"Hey, it's Amy. I'm not at home right now, but leave a message, and I'll call you back." the machine said right before the beep.  
  
The other line hung up. 


	2. Numb

Title: Conflicted (Pt. 2: Numb)  
  
Author: Lost Angel  
  
Wrestlers Involved: Shane Helms (The Hurricane, duh...), Matt Hardy (Version One!) and Amy Dumas (Lita, and if you want a comment, see what I said about Helms)  
  
Content/Author's Note: It's rated PG-13, borderlining on R. I've gotten a bit sappy in my first few stories, so this one's a bit more dirty, sneaky, and underhanded. There's some sex, some swearing, and some backstabbing. Not very nice, eh?  
  
This is also my first attempt at a multiple part story. Bear with me.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I got nothing. The names are property of Vinnie- roo. Just enjoy my work of FICTION.  
  
Then there's that song. That song is property of an awesome band you probably know called Linkin Park  
  
Distribution: I don't mind if anyone wants to read it, and forward it to their buddies, all I mind is if you do it AND DON'T ASK ME!!! You can e- mail me, her, or find me on my AIM name (XxStylesClashxX, inspired by my favorite wrestler A.J. Styles), and I'll be sure to hear out your reasons for wanting to post it on your site, or use it as toilet paper.  
  
Song: "Numb" by Linkin Park  
  
Okay...now you can read.  
  
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I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless Lost under the surface I don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure Of walking in your shoes  
  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is Another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
  
She didn't remember what time she stepped into the bath, and she didn't even bother to check the clock to see what time she stepped out, but it had to be a decent hour still, when she heard the phone ring downstairs. She ran to her upstairs phone to answer it, quickly turning the ringer back on the upstairs one.  
  
"Hello?" Amy said, clutching the towel to her naked body.  
  
"I've been trying to reach you since eight P.M.! Where the hell have you been, Amy?!" Matt shouted back. Obviously he wasn't happy...and now she wasn't either...again. "I've called just about everywhere looking for you!" he finished.  
  
"Sorry...I went to the gym." she shot back, clearly lying to him. "Then I dozed off. I took a couple of painkillers for the stiffness in my neck. I fell asleep, and I'm sorry." she said, finishing her lie.  
  
"Alright, Amy...it's okay. Just don't scare me like that. I'd hate to see you become as irresponsible as Jeff." Matt said back, making her frown. She hated to hear him badmouth his own brother, but what could she say? She just listened. He babbled quite a bit, and she paid no mind. She stared off in the distance and walked downstairs, still clutching her cordless phone. She was going to clear out the caller ID when she saw his name as the last call before this. She checked her messages silently, but it was only a click, signaling a hang up. She waited for the babbling to end, so she could call the person she wanted back, but her mission to return the call of her new love was immediately derailed when she heard Matt's last sentence. "...and Shane thought it was the right thing to say, so Amy...will you marry me? I won't take no for an answer."  
  
She dropped the phone. She froze in place, terrified. The person she loved telling Matt that this question would be the right thing. She closed her eyes and remembered a night her and Shane were wrestling around, right after she started really warming up to her thoughts of being with him. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and she asked him what he thought love meant. He smiled at her as he gently placed her down and told her with true conviction.  
  
"Amy...love is knowing that you can't always hold onto someone. When you love a human being, you want to see them happy, no matter what it is they're doing, or who they're with. It's not always easy, but it's the truest sentiment." she recalled. She wanted to keep on that wave of memory, up to the moment they made love on the hotel room floor, but Matt's screaming hello snapped her out of it. She wrinkled her nose a bit, just a little frustrated, but she picked up the phone.  
  
"Sorry, Matt...I dropped the phone." she said.  
  
"That's the second time you worried me tonight! Well...I guess dropping the phone is justified. You're probably in shock I asked you." he responded.  
  
"Actually, yes. How long did you talk to Shane about it?" Amy spoke.  
  
"About half an hour, not too long ago." he said. She realized at that moment, that maybe she had made those words difficult on him, but it was his way of telling her to be happy. She wanted to cry about that, but not out of happiness. Her fear had made Shane believe that her love wasn't with him, but with Matt. Each time she thought about Matt, it was less and less favorable. Not long ago, he was a prince, and now? Now he was a overbearing presence who tried to control her life.  
  
I've Become so numb I can't feel you there Become so tired So much more aware I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you  
  
"Matt...let me call you back...I think I just stepped on something sharp." she said, her eyes filling with tears. She didn't wait for acceptance or rejection, she just hung up the phone, and started to cry. The very personality traits she hated about Matt, she was developing. She couldn't tell Shane how she really felt, and she kept pushing him away, expecting him to be standing there each time she chose to have him there. She cried because the only times she could really be the person she knew she really was, was when she was in his arms. Even when she was there, flashes of this new Amy Dumas, an Amy she felt sick thinking about, came out. The Amy who demanded flexibility from Shane Helms. She demanded a Shane at her beck and call, who would forget that she was playing on his emotions. The phone rang again. She angrily picked it up.  
  
"I told you to give me some time!" she screamed out, trying to use rage to hide her tears.  
  
"I'm sorry...I just couldn't wait to talk to you again before you made your decision." the voice calmly responded. It wasn't Matt, that was for sure. Her tears stopped for a moment, and she listened. "I told you it was about seeing someone at their happiest. This is what I think will make you happier. I hope, Amy." he said, sounding stronger than he actually was inside. She couldn't handle it.  
  
"I don't want to marry him, Shane...I want you here with me...I want you to be the one." she whimpered out, not sure if she was happy or sad.  
  
"Don't make this decision because you think it will make up for tonight. Make this decision because you know that this is what you want." he calmly replied back.  
  
"Please come over...tonight." she said.  
  
"Okay, but not for long." he said, pausing a bit. "I'm on my way." he said, before hanging up.  
  
Amy laid down on her couch, leaning her head against the armrest. She flipped on the stereo, but a lyric she heard immediately wouldn't stop haunting her. "I think I'll change my ways..." kept looping in her head, and being deciphered by her heart. Finally, there was a knock on her door, and when she answered, her eyes gained their light back. She pulled him in and clutched him tightly, like she hadn't seen him in weeks. "I'm so sorry. I'll never do this to you again, Shane."  
  
"I believe you, Amy. I...I thi--" he said, before being interrupted by her sweet kisses.  
  
Can't you see that you're smothering me Holding too tightly Afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought i would be Has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is Another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste Is more than I can take  
  
She led him to the bedroom and they finally proceeded with the moment they had been waiting for. He unwrapped her towel, she peeled his clothes off like wrapping paper on a gift. They traded passionate kisses, ever so intense, and this time, it was guilt free. Shane knew that he wanted her, and Amy knew she wanted him. This time, it would be just right.  
  
This time, they would have company. The locked door was quietly unlocked from the outside. It was Matt.  
  
But I know I may end up failing too But I know You were just like me With someone disappointed in you... 


End file.
